Playing With My Feelings

Well, it's been another wild Wednesday, treading the fine line between motherhood and nervous breakdown...

From the moment we wake up, the boys conspire to wreak havoc with my nerves.
After two weeks of the runs, LB is constipated: a first hour-long crying fit occurs somewhere around 10 a.m.
He is eventually pacified with a vegetable purée and a generous helping of prune juice, but other than an endearing smile, no other movement occurs.

Later, BB has a high fever, and is packed off to bed with scarlet cheeks and watery eyes.
As he nods off, LB becomes hysterical again.
I mean, really hysterical. I have never had a very high tolerance threshold when it comes to prolonged crying and now, for the first time in our 6-month relationship, I have absolutely no idea how to calm LB down.

This realisation makes me panicky. I feel myself teetering on the brink of breakdown, so I do what any exhausted, scared, irate woman would do: I call FH at work, talk at him in a high-pitched voice, and beg him to come home.
He says he will.
Shakily, I say goodbye, turn to LB and, the second - the very second - I put the phone down, he stops crying. As though he has just flicked his inner "off" switch, just like that.
Not only does he stop crying, he grins.
I am baffled. He is 6-months old, for goodness sake: surely he can't have mastered the arts of emotional blackmail and manipulation so soon??

Minutes later, BB awakes from his stupor, and he too is miraculously revived.
So when FH pitches up, he is confronted with two perfectly contented children and one freakish wife who begins to look like a game-playing idiot.
"Go on, cry, show Daddy how hard you've been crying!" I coax LB.
Delighted grin.
FH looks at me with something resembling pity.
"Go out for a while if you like," he tells me, "you seem like you need a break."

In short, it's been one of those days.
One of those days I mentally file away in the "Two Kids Is Sufficient" folder. At the moment, that folder is just about as full as its neighbour, the "More Would Be Nice" file.