I am rushing through the supermarket with my pram, hoping I’ll make it through the checkout before LB decides he really really needs to eat NOW. He’s already squirming, time is short.
By the time I pay for my items and head out into the gallery, he’s purple-faced and in desperate need of milk.
I hot foot it to the nearest bench, trying not to break out into a sweat as LB gears up for the final indignant roar.
At last, parked up, I scramble for the bottle, grab the formula (I am too much of a wimp to breast-feed in public) and mix it all together with the speed and expertise of an experienced barman.
Baby out, settled in position, bottle poised… connection!
Phew. The bottle is in and the frantic sucking begins.
With my free hand, I wipe a drop of perspiration from my forehead, and look up for the first time since sitting down on this bench.
Oh joy.
Destiny has decreed that my chosen bench is located directly opposite a rather attractive shoe shop. And it would appear that, for the next 20 minutes, I have a perfect view of the new Autumn/Winter boot collection.
Well, there are definitely worse ways to spend 20 minutes.
And, is it me, or do those grey suede cuties look like they were just made for me?
When LB finally lies back, replete, I scoop him up and pat him absently on the back.
My eyes are not – shamefully – gazing lovingly at my little six-week old wonder… but rather ogling my new suede babies…
No I can’t. Can I?
My feet are more wilful than my mind, and less than a minute later, they’re carrying me into the store. LB is – much to his surprise – re-deposited in his pram while mummy is attended to by an enthusiastic salesgirl. The cute suede babies are brought out for inspection. I coo over them sweetly.
I don’t need new boots. I don’t need them. I don’t.
10 minutes later, I leave the store with all my babies in tow, new boots swinging against my thigh in their satisfyingly big bag.
I am the Carrie Bradshaw of parenting. And that, folks, is the real reason why having kids is so damned expensive…
FH & LB relax together. They have no idea how hard it is being a woman on maternity leave.
1 comment:
brilliant!
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