The Recipe

I would like to be the kind of mother who knows how to rustle up a homemade chocolate cake for tea. The kind of mother who always has the right ingredients in stock, in the proper place, in a neatly ordered kitchen cupboard.

I would like to be the kind of mother who doesn't get impatient with a whingy child. The kind of mother who always knows exactly how to deliver the right dose of tenderness and firmness: the kind who doesn't shout.

I would like to be the kind of mother who never runs out of nappies - so never has to cross her fingers and hope the baby doesn't dirty himself for a few hours while squeezed into the very last "emergency" nappy.

I would like to be the kind of mother who teaches the alphabet to her kids after work. The kind of mother who always has energy and a bunch of creative ideas to implement.
I would like to be the kind of mother who doesn't daydream while playing with her kids.

I would like to be the kind of mother who already has a beautifully decorated tree up and glittering by December 7th. Plus a pile of thoughtful presents: wrapped and labelled and enticing.

I would like to be the kind of mother who doesn't feel overwhelmed 90% of the time.


But instead, I am the kind of mother who invites a couple of kids over for tea, starts to make her (first ever) chocolate cake... and realises she forgot to buy the chocolate.
I am the kind of mother who sends her husband out in a panic at 3 pm to buy a slab of chocolate.
The kind who measures out her ingredients according to the Estimate principle, because she doesn't possess any weighing scales.

I am the kind of mother who turns her face away to hide her tears when the cake turns out just fine and everyone loves it.

I am the kind of mother who scrapes by and hopes it will all turn out OK.
But when I see them tucking into the succulent cake I have somehow managed to produce, I think there must be a metaphor in there somewhere... and with a pinch of good luck, my life might turn out fluffy and sweet and heart-warming like this randomly perfect cake.