Meltdown

Actually, it turned out not to be "spa or bust" but rather "spa AND bust"!
So much for my flippancy, hum.

So I found myself in the slightly disconcerting situation of feeling VERY low, and at the same time VERY protected (in the muted ambiance of a deserted spa resort, far from the Christmas shopping frenzy, in the company of two wonderful friends who rose to the occasion so brilliantly that one might have thought they'd been serving up herbal teas and good advice most of their lives!).

It was as though my subconscious had glimpsed the tiniest opportunity for a major meltdown - far from family obligations and wide-eyed children - .... and I duly flung myself body and soul into that opening.

Ah well. The first few days were terrible: the days since then have been a lot better.
I am overtaken by the wave of relief that comes from finally letting go, facing the fact you are not perfect and drawing up a tentative action plan (with spouse) to address all the malfunctioning elements that have softly snowballed throughout the year.

Overcoming all my natural, hardworking instincts in one quick move, I hauled myself down to the doctor's on Tuesday and got myself signed off sick for the week. The doctor suggested that perhaps I didn't so much require medication as rest and a few big boxes of chocolate? He winked as he wrote the presecription for "top quality chocolate", and I smiled in relief: my diagnosis was the same as his, but it's always nice to have one's instincts confirmed by a professional.

So here I am. I have much to learn; we have much to learn as a family. The first step is meltdown. The second is kindness. And indulgence. We'll see how the rest takes shape.